we are not lost

Aubrey; also Birdie.
Student and writer. Polyamorous and really gay. Chronically ill.
Local queen of cait sidhe. Powered by caffeine, anxiety, and spite.
Jun. 13th, 2015 07:20 pm

If I have a muse, she's an ASSHOLE.

mortalcity: Jessica Drew, making a face and waggling her fingers at the camera (Marvel | Hulk make me a sandwich)
[personal profile] mortalcity
I'm so annoyed with my brain right now. I've been struggling with a plot for this book for literal months, and then today I woke up, staggered into my office, and my brain immediately went "well obviously it needs to be about X so Y thing makes sense to have in the book".

And I am just... DON'T GIVE ME THAT "WELL OBVIOUSLY" BULLSHIT. IF IT WAS OBVIOUS I WOULD HAVE FIGURED IT OUT MONTHS AGO.

...I mean, I am glad to know what I'm doing now, and if my brain would like to drop any epiphanies about other projects on me, I won't complain, but I do feel a little cheated. At least let me pretend I put in some effort...

*

Iiin other news, I have been volunteering Wednesdays at a recovery center for women with substance abuse problems.

It may or may not lead anywhere re: actual job (which... I will need to be medicated before that is even a possibility), and I am literally too efficient for them to know what to do with (they give me a job that they think should take an hour, I'm done in ten minutes, and then I have to wait around and read or something while they figure out what else to do with me), but. It is nice to get out of the house, it's really nice to not have to work with or around any men, and I haven't had a panic attack or cried in front of anyone yet. Be proud of me.
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Date: 2015-06-13 11:50 pm (UTC)

alexseanchai: Katsuki Yuuri wearing a blue jacket and his glasses and holding a poodle, in front of the asexual pride flag with a rainbow heart inset. (Default)
From: [personal profile] alexseanchai
*is proud!*

Also, brains do that. It sucks. I mean, it's awesome that the figuring-out bit happens, but the time delay sucks.
Date: 2015-06-14 02:31 am (UTC)

mortalcity: Maya Hansen. Just... Maya Hansen. (Marvel | performed perfectly)
From: [personal profile] mortalcity
Thank you!

And yeah. I'm glad that the realization happened, but now I feel kind of stupid because it took so long. Especially because the actual conclusion felt so easy and obvious, when it finally got here. Ugh. Brains.
Date: 2015-06-14 04:10 am (UTC)

umadoshi: (Arashi *facepalm* (satura_te))
From: [personal profile] umadoshi
...oh, BRAINS. But at least it coughed the info up eventually.
Date: 2015-06-14 05:51 pm (UTC)

mortalcity: Mosaic of a winged person, from La Martorana in Palermo. (angels | the call of ancient wars)
From: [personal profile] mortalcity
Yeah, I was all prepared to batter my head against that wall yesterday... aaand then I didn't have to. Kind of frustrating, but it would be nice if all my writing problems got solved so easily.
Date: 2015-06-14 04:10 am (UTC)

fred_mouse: line drawing of sheep coloured in queer flag colours with dream bubble reading 'dreamwidth' (Default)
From: [personal profile] fred_mouse
yay for sorting out the writing \o/.

Also, the job/volunteering sounds great. Hopefully they appreciate the efficiency, and will say great things about you if you ever get a reference from them.
Date: 2015-06-14 05:56 pm (UTC)

mortalcity: Emily Prentiss, grinning over her shoulder. (CM | be wicked and lovely)
From: [personal profile] mortalcity
Thank you!

And yeah, this is what I'm hoping for eventually. They might end up actually hiring me if they lose someone or ever find enough work for me to do there, and if not, it'll at least be a reference I didn't have for the only kind of job I can physically do.
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