out in daylight, my potential

Yesterday was exhausting, and yet for some reason I only slept for two hours, then woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. My sleep schedule has been wonky all week, but this is definitely the most ridiculous it has been so far.

Saw Avengers with Jae and Pat and Caroline a week ago, and thoroughly enjoyed it. I am going again today with Mat, in the middle of our regular weekly shopping and library expedition. With that on top of the Fringe season finale tonight, I might very well explode with fannish feelings, but I've accepted that.

However, that is not the primary reason for this post. I went on a secret mission yesterday. And in case you were wondering... I rarely go on secret missions that don't end in something fuzzy.

( Adorableness under this cut - seriously, you should really click )

Now I'm going to try to go back to sleep, because I would like to be awake enough to not fall asleep in the theater, and actually process Fringe when it happens. Wish me luck.

I am back from Darkover, and did not die.

The entire trip was wonderful, including the trip down and back - despite accidentally blowing past our exit by, like, an hour on the way down, which led to being on the road for hours longer than we meant to. I think we gave the Garmin a nervous breakdown a couple times.

And rolling down all the windows, blasting "Star-Spangled Man" and singing along at the top of our lungs? BEST. THING. EVER. Seriously, you should try it some time.

The actual con was fantastic too. The panels I went to were fun and interesting (and occasionally rage-inducing - there was one where Jae and I sat clutching at each other's legs and hands and trying not to snarl at one particular panelist), I got to meet a bunch of awesome people and hang with the awesome people I already knew, and we all managed to not kill each other.

A lovely woman saw me walking with a cane and just gave me this beautiful hand-made cane someone had given her that wasn't quite working for her. I love this cane. It's like it was made for me, and I've been fondling and cuddling it all weekend.

And there was a woman at the con with a Caucasian ovtcharka that was a mobility service dog for her balance issues (which from her brief description sound a lot like mine) and you guys. That is my dream dog, including the service dog part, and talking to her made me think I might actually be able to make that work for me some day. Of course, first I'd have to be able to afford to feed a dog that big, never mind figure out where to acquire one, but some day.

...anyway, yeah. Con was awesome. Downside is that now I am totally worn the fuck out, and have no emotional energy or patience for humans or the world in general, and have been getting snarly at the simple fact that other humans exist where I can hear them how dare they. Including Mat. Which makes me feel like an awful person, but is not making the reaction go away.

Hermiting for a week is not unlikely. Which is just as well, because I feel like writing all the things now. I figured out something about the first angel book on the drive down, and some of the panels made some things click about a universe I just recently started poking at, but I need so much more research on that, and I need to go back to (re)writing the first DMA book and oh god how do I even...

So this weekend, I was planning to let my girlfriend kidnap me to New York or possibly Syracuse. And in preparation for that, I was doing some laundry, and cleaning out the dog's crate, and I took the dog down to the basement with me because leaving her unsupervised in the house is a bad idea.

I was unaware that there was a box of rat poison in the corner of the basement. Until I heard the crunching as the dog ate it. I managed to pull a little of it OUT OF HER MOUTH, but she'd already eaten most of the box as far as I could tell. Cue panic and calling thatrainbow back from work and more panic.

The dog is fine, for the record. We got her to throw up, and took her to the vet, and we might be taking her back in a couple days, and she is not going to die. And the emergency vet visit was not as horribly expensive as we expected, and Ace is having the best day ever, if you ask her.

But I still haven't entirely stopped shaking, and I kind of hate myself for not watching her closely enough and/or making sure the basement was safe before I let her wander around, and everything hurts like I've been run over with a truck, and now instead of spending the weekend with my girlfriend I am staying home to supervise the dog and make sure she's not hemorrhaging to death internally. (...this is extremely unlikely and probably unnecessary and it's mostly for my own peace of mind, but I still really don't want to leave her alone.)

So yeah. This is not my best day ever. And I can't even be angry at the dog because I'm too busy clinging to her and trying not to cry. Rrrrrh.

Yesterday was my birthday, and I actually managed to avoid being kicked in the face by my birthday curse. (Don't ask, but it exists.) I still didn't leave the house, because I really don't want to tempt fate that much, but thatrainbow and several other people wished me happy birthday, and nothing bad happened. It was magical.

Mat made me breakfast and dinner, and we put two coats of paint on the trim in the bedroom (well... Mat painted. I taped.) so it is almost done, and there was wine and brownies (and vodka the night before) and it was basically the best birthday I have had in very a long time.

In other news:

• Jae thinks the increased dose of drugs is helping. Now that the awful brainfuzzing side effects have mostly worn off, I have to agree with her that I am definitely perkier the past few days (although I disagree with her word choice there - I would like to think I don't do perky).
  
  
• There has been an orange ninja in my yard on a few seperate occasions, but given that my yard was A) full of cover for small furry animals and B) full of orange, it was kind of hard to identify it. The recent windstorm helped a little with both of those things, and today I actually got a good enough look to see that it's a gorgeous orange and white tom cat.
  I went outside to try and say hello, and he looked like he was considering coming over to meet me, but then something (I think one of the neighbor's dogs) spooked him and he took off. Because I am a sucker for furry things and the weather's been bad lately, I left the door to one of the sheds propped open, and a bowl of cat food in the floor in the shed. Just in case he needs it.
  
  
• I am starting to think maybe we should turn that shed into a chicken coop instead of going and building a whole new structure when we're ready for chickens. Mat wanting it for a painting and recording studio, but the garage has electricity and plenty of space for that plus the car once we actually get our stuff out of there and into the house and/or the storage shed. CHIKKINZ.
  
  
• I am going to start making lists of things I did every day. Because I tend to overload to do lists and then feel like a complete failure for not being superhuman. So maybe the other way around will work better for me.
  
  ( Today I: )

So the other day I went to the Renn Faire with Jae and Pat and Caroline (and Tim). I was wobbly, so Jae asked Tammy for one of her canes to take with me.

Today I went looking at houses with thatrainbow and the realtor, and all I had to lean on was Beka from time to time. (We own a cane already. I was just dumb and put it in storage with all our other stuff when we were packing up.)

I did not realize until now just how much the cane would help in terms of being able to stay on my feet for more than a couple minutes at a time, and not being totally exhausted and miserable by the time I get home. I think I am going to have to start using a cane regularly when I leave the house in the future. And as a bonus, I will always have something to whack people with when necessary. :D